I guess I should say, the beginning of the lessons for this season. They've been coming in waves. Big, heavy, tear-filled waves.
Mercury is retrograde and it is scorpio season, b*tches.
It’s not nice and cozy. It’s real and in your face. idk about you, but right now, I’m in my car crying. I’ve been show so many of my shadows. Where I’ve been hiding. Because I’ve been taught to hide forever. And I’ve also, for whatever reason, haven’t realized the importance of my own story.
How I’m healing and my journey of healing from and with my story.
I thought sharing the work I do for others mattered more than the work I do for myself. That the story behind the “what is now” didn’t matter. But it is who I am. And a part of who I am becoming. We are always becoming. That is the journey. And I’m here to assist you with yours. But with that comes the sharing of my own continuing path.
I want to be clear, I do not have any answers for anyone. I'm sure you've heard it before, but I'll say it again - You have all the answers inside of you already.
If it doesn't feel that way, or an answer feels just out of reach, that's where I am of service to you.
This is a bit of what I've been experiencing lately.
The past few days I’ve been given visions that are like me rewatching my past. I hope that makes sense. It’s like I’m watching myself be in high school again. I’m being reminded of why I felt like I had to hide who I am. I don’t want to start arguments and I don’t want to hurt people. But sometimes you can’t avoid it. And even those uncomfortable moments have huge learning benefits. Hearing truths sometimes hurts people, but I’m here to deliver messages. I’ve been reminded of dreams that I’ve had in the past. My feelings I had when my birth mother was in the emotional process of having me inside of her and then handing me over to someone else. These visions have come at times where I’m driving or on my way to see family or friends and I’ve been pushing them aside. Telling myself I’m going to process later. Today my day has turned into a day of starting this process. Writing down these things so I can begin my healing surrounding it. This healing runs deep, it’s not all just me. These are some deep karmic knots that will take a while to fully unwind, and reveal.
I’ve also realized how much feeling like something is “perfect” means to me. I rarely start projects because I always want to do the biggest project, but don’t want to not finish it. Or don’t want it to not be perfect. I know my grammar isn’t great. I know my writing isn’t awesome. So I wouldn’t do it. But the thing is, my words still matter. And I’m just now getting this.
Sorry if you’re my friend who has told me these things a number of times. Because yes, my friends have told me this a number of times. I’m sorry I take forever to get the message. Also sorry to my guides for being so slow to receive. haha! I guess all that matters is that we get it eventually. (Like we have a choice.)
If you’re experiencing this too, I feel for you and am sending you love through this process. As I go through the healing journey I’ll be sure to share with you, in hopes that it helps you with yours.